


rainstorm

by wordlocker



Series: beautiful disaster [3]
Category: K-pop, VIXX
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Barebacking, M/M, Multi, Polyamory, Threesome - M/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-06
Updated: 2015-11-06
Packaged: 2018-04-30 07:42:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5155772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wordlocker/pseuds/wordlocker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>all good things must come to an end. it just never occurred to wonshik that what they have is no exception.</p>
            </blockquote>





	rainstorm

**Author's Note:**

> a sequel to [skyfall](http://archiveofourown.org/works/4977565)

Wonshik is dying. 

Or having a stomachache, whatever, it feels the same. Jaehwan thinks he’s being melodramatic, and coming from _Jaehwan_ , that’s saying something. He thinks it should be okay, considering they have a lived in pre-med student on hand, but Hongbin’s been stuck at his labs and study group sessions that they’ve barely seen him for the past eight weeks. And so Wonshik lies dying, on the ratty couch in their tiny off-campus apartment, still waiting for Hongbin to rescue him.

“We’re out of green tea,” Jaehwan says, brows furrowed with worry. “Would chamomile be okay?”

He’s been rubbing Wonshik’s belly in soothing circles for going on two hours, and Wonshik smiles gratefully at him, nodding. “Yeah, that’s fine. Thanks, Jaehwan.”

Jaehwan tinkers around in the kitchen while Wonshik surfs the channel, their humongous TV and Wonshik’s work station possibly the only truly valuable things they own in the apartment. The door’s lock chimes open at somewhere around six o’clock, and Hongbin trudges in, backpack slung low against one shoulder.

“You’re home,” Jaehwan greets him, pecking him lightly on the lips before handing Wonshik his mug of steaming hot tea. “What do you want for dinner? Wonshik’s stomach is hurting, so—”

Hongbin sighs, and it sounds like a groan. He drops his bag on the floor and throws himself onto the armchair near Wonshik’s feet. “I can’t stay for dinner. I have to go back to the lab.”

Wonshik can sense the irritation radiating out of Jaehwan, and he props himself up to see him hovering over Hongbin, arms stiff at his sides and shoulders tight. “Can’t it wait? We haven’t had dinner together in three weeks, Hongbin.”

Hongbin really does groan this time, head rolling back against the chair, eyes closing shut. “No, it really can’t. I need to submit these papers by tomorrow afternoon.”

“It’s fine,” Wonshik cuts in before Jaehwan can say anything. He knows most of the frustration comes from Hongbin not paying enough attention even when Wonshik is so sick, and he knows Hongbin can’t really help it. “We can have dinner this weekend.”

“ _Can_ we?” Jaehwan pointedly asks Hongbin, cocking an eyebrow.

Hongbin looks at him, and nods, a tired smile on his lips. “Yeah, let’s do some barbecuing.”

Jaehwan’s already turning away, but he sends a sharp grin over his shoulder. “You’re buying the meat, Doctor Lee.”

Hongbin snorts, and as soon as Jaehwan disappears into the kitchen, he’s up on his feet again, dragging himself to the bedroom. “I gotta go shower. I’m starting to smell like a cadaver myself.”

Wonshik grimaces. “Are you feeling okay? You look so worn out.”

Hongbin pauses, and like he’s only noticing Wonshik’s condition, his eyes soften immediately. “I’m okay. Are you okay? Do we need to go to the clinic?”

Wonshik shakes his head, trying not to look so pathetic. “Nah, I’ll feel better in the morning, I think.”

“Make sure to call me if you guys need me, okay?” Hongbin stresses, standing in the narrow hallway for a few moments before taking off again, seemingly satisfied at Wonshik’s nod. 

Jaehwan’s voice carries from the kitchen, and Wonshik knows he’s talking to Wonshik’s mom on the phone from the tone he’s using. It’s still funny to Wonshik that Jaehwan manages to be such good friends with his mother, but it pleases him too, because one day down the road, he’d like to be able to tell his family about them. Being so close to Jaehwan might just soften the blow for her. Jaehwan walks out with a gentle smile on his face, and Wonshik holds out his arms so he’ll enter them.

Jaehwan hugs him and kisses the top of his head. “Your mom just revealed the family secret for her chicken soup. I guess you _have_ to marry me now.”

Wonshik laughs, burying his nose in Jaehwan’s clothed belly, staying there until Jaehwan grumbles about having to defrost a chicken and disentangles them. Wonshik’s drifting off to sleep when he hears Hongbin saying goodbye to Jaehwan, dimly aware of Hongbin’s cold hand stroking his hair before it’s gone.

 

: : :

 

It’s dawn when Hongbin gets home. He’s nearly dead on his feet, climbing in and out of subway train and buses in complete auto pilot mode. The sky is a pale orangey pink, and not for the first time in the last few months, he wishes that he has his camera with him. He considers just taking a picture with his phone, but one glance at his lock screen – Jaehwan and Wonshik kissing his cheeks while he makes a face, party hat askew on his head – and he decides to hurry back instead. The middle aged man manning the security desk greets him sleepily, and Hongbin returns it warmly, feeling himself smile from the prospect of what’s waiting for him at the apartment.

It’s quiet throughout the house, and Hongbin instinctively heads to the bigger bedroom, where their big bed is. Wonshik and Jaehwan are facing each other, both curled on their sides, bodies moving with their silent breathing. Hongbin feels something tug at his heartstring, and he reaches out to brush his fingers against Wonshik’s bare shoulder, feeling the sleep-warmed skin. Wonshik snuffles and turns to blink bleary eyes at him, mouth slack and inviting.

“What time ‘s it?” he croaks, scratching his head adorably.

Hongbin leans down and kisses him, quick and lingering in turns, over and over. “Early. Are you feeling better?”

Wonshik hums, sitting up gingerly, trying not to jostle Jaehwan. “Yeah, better. I’ve to go to the lab this morning, since I didn’t get any work done yesterday.”

“Hey,” Hongbin whispers, brushing their noses together. “I’m sorry I’m not spending more time with you guys.”

Wonshik’s eyes open wider, honest and kind. “I understand, Bin-ah. Just make sure to come home to us always, okay?”

“Always,” Hongbin vows, catching Wonshik’s mouth in his again. When they part, Wonshik’s slipping away to the bathroom, and Hongbin slides under the covers next to Jaehwan, the bed dipping slightly so they’re shifted closer.

“He has no morning classes today,” Wonshik tells him quietly. “Let him sleep more.”

Hongbin makes a noise of assent, tugging on Jaehwan’s hip so they’re pressed against each other, tipping his chin so Jaehwan’s head can fit in the crook of his neck. Jaehwan’s hot breath tickles his skin and Hongbin shivers delightedly, letting slumber wash over him completely.

 

: : :

 

Wonshik can tell who it is when his phone pings with a new email notification. It’s Hakyeon, like clockwork, updating him on his life in the States. When Wonshik brushed off MIT for KAIST, Hakyeon was the one who asked the least amount of question.

“You can kick ass in Daejeon just as well as you can kick ass in Massachusetts,” is what Hakyeon tells him.

Then Hongbin and Jaehwan both got into Chungnam, and it’s as if the pieces of their lives just fall into place. Hongbin’s father gives up on steering him into heading the family business, already talking about opening up a hospital so his son can have that instead, and Wonshik thinks he’s just relieved that Hongbin decides to stay closer to home in the end. They’re separated for a while, for about ten months and a few weeks (not that Wonshik was counting), but Wonshik’s almost always crashing at their dorm on the weekends, making the tiny bunkbed work with a lot of contorting and cuddling. They start looking for an apartment as soon as the semester ends, convincing their parents that, yes, they will take care of each other. Their place is small, but fairly new, and Wonshik’s happy just as long as he has his essentials – a huge TV, his computers, and the people he loves.

His phone chirps, and Wonshik answers the call as soon as Hongbin’s dimpled grin flashes on the screen. “Hello?”

Hongbin’s voice is tinny, like he’s talking while he’s underground, probably the subway. “Jaehwan wants us back for dinner. Can you grab something sweet for him? I promised him dessert, but uh – I’m running a little late.”

Wonshik purses his lips, not wanting the strain in his voice to be heard. “Yeah, sure. I’ll get something from that bakery he loves. I’m heading back as soon as this thing finish rendering. What time will you be home?”

Hongbin hesitates, and Wonshik’s heart leaps into his throat. “I’m on my way to someone’s place for a short study session, but I’ll be back before dinner time.”

“Okay,” Wonshik manages, pressing his phone to his forehead after they say their goodbyes. It’s happening a lot more these days, Hongbin breaking promises, and as much as he understands, Wonshik’s heart always twinges at the look on Jaehwan’s face every single time.

He leaves the robotics lab at a quarter after five, and as he walks to the subway station, Jaehwan’s text comes.

_Mom’s famous budae jjigae! I think I managed not to make it gross this time. Come home soon!_

Wonshik grins to himself, his thumb stroking the screen as the lock screen pops up: Jaehwan and Hongbin kissing deeply as Wonshik makes a face at the camera. He has to believe that it’s going to work out, if only because he’s not ready for everything to fall apart.

 

: : :

 

Jaehwan gasps and bucks underneath him, one hand knotted in his hair and the other digging into his shoulder. Hongbin moans and swallows more of Jaehwan in, drool and precome slicking his way. Wonshik’s pressed against his back, waiting for his turn, and Hongbin can feel his cock prodding him in the spine. Tonight is all about taking care of Jaehwan, though, so Hongbin pulls off with a wet pop and swings around so he’s on top of Jaehwan, mouth still inches from his bobbing erection. Wonshik teases Jaehwan a little, rubbing his dickhead against Jaehwan’s hole – loose and wet from Hongbin and Wonshik rimming him alternately. Jaehwan starts making those noises Hongbin knows drive Wonshik crazy, and the reverent look on Wonshik’s face as he fucks into Jaehwan almost does Hongbin in.

Hongbin waits until Wonshik has a steady rhythm going, lower lip bitten as he screws in and out, before ducking to take Jaehwan in his mouth again. Jaehwan jerks below him, palms landing on the globes of Hongbin’s ass, making Hongbin’s cock twitch. Jaehwan must have noticed his reaction, because before long Jaehwan’s tongue is lapping softly at the tip of his dick, and Hongbin has to brace himself at the sensation. Wonshik whimpers at the sight of them sucking each other off, rolling his hips harder and deeper, holding Hongbin’s head in one hand and Jaehwan’s knee in the other. Jaehwan moans around Hongbin’s dick when Wonshik rocks at a different angle, pulling off of him completely when Wonshik slams harder, before his cock jerks and comes in Hongbin’s mouth. Hongbin suckles at him softly as he shudders through it, letting him go when Wonshik pulls him up, capturing him in a kiss so they can share Jaehwan’s taste.

Wonshik keeps on fucking Jaehwan, slower this time, and Hongbin reaches down to jerk himself off, a pleased noise escaping him when Jaehwan tongues at his tight balls. Wonshik comes with a bitten off grunt, his stomach muscles clenching with the intensity, and Hongbin follows suit, spurting in ropes all over the smooth planes of Jaehwan’s belly. They get settled after a few minutes of exchanging kisses, Hongbin ending up in the middle of two sweaty, sated, touchy feely boys. 

Jaehwan sighs, blowing hot air against Hongbin’s ear. “This is just a ploy for me to always cook for you guys, isn’t it?”

Wonshik chokes out a surprised laughter, and Hongbin scoffs. “Yes, Jaehwan, that’s what it is,” he deadpans, yelping when Jaehwan pinches his nipple. “I’m sorry for being late,” he adds, seriously this time.

Jaehwan’s bottom lip juts out, a large hand palming Hongbin’s navel. “You were over an hour late. And you didn’t even get me the dessert you promised, Wonshik did. One mind-blowing orgasm isn’t going to cover it.”

“How about multiple mind-blowing orgasms?”

Wonshik groans, smacking Hongbin in the chest. “You two are incorrigible! I need my sleep if I don’t want to cut off my fingers with the laser cutter tomorrow morning. Leave me out of it.”

Jaehwan grins into their kiss, and Hongbin rearranges them so Jaehwan’s half-straddling him, semi-hard cocks grinding against each other. Jaehwan gasps when a particularly sharp jerk of his hips results in unintentional knocking of their erections, and Hongbin does it again and again until they’re both leaking and desperate. There’s a soft keening and then Wonshik’s solid body is pressed into Hongbin’s back, soft lips kissing the breadth of his shoulder blades.

“If I accidentally castrate myself or my lab partner tomorrow, I’m holding you guys responsible,” Wonshik grumbles, even as his huge hand slides downward to wrap around their dicks.

Jaehwan laughs heartily, and Hongbin has to kiss him, just because, as they rut into Wonshik’s fist.

 

: : :

 

For all the times that Jaehwan has spoken about his friend Taekwoon, Wonshik has only ever seen the guy once in person – at the get-together right before they head out for college. Jaehwan had explained that Taekwoon just knew that Hongbin and Wonshik are his friends, and no more, although from the way Taekwoon was glaring at Hongbin, Wonshik figured that wasn’t the case. Anyway, he’d barely exchanged two sentences with the guy, and even though they were civil, albeit impersonal, Wonshik is extremely nervous about this out-of-town visit for reasons which are still unclear. 

Taekwoon is coming in on the six p.m. bus and Wonshik is there with Jaehwan to welcome him, Hongbin having promised to meet up with them at their usual barbecue place for dinner. Jaehwan grows giddier as the time nears, and he’s clutching at Wonshik’s arm like a small child when the particular bus rolls in, a big grin splitting his face. Taekwoon is one of the last people to alight, and his face brightens immediately when he sees Jaehwan. They hug and laugh as they pat each other’s backs, and Wonshik waits by Jaehwan’s side with his hands clasped.

“You remember Wonshik, don’t you?” Jaehwan asks when they finally part.

Taekwoon nods, still smiling. “Yes, of course,” he says, offering a hand for Wonshik to shake.

“Hi,” Wonshik manages, oddly feeling like he’s meeting Jaehwan’s family for the first time. _That_ particular meeting was so nerve-wracking Wonshik thought he’d had a coronary. “I hope you had a nice travel.”

“It was okay,” Taekwoon shrugs. “I’m ready to stretch my legs and possibly get something to eat, though.”

Jaehwan snorts, earning himself a knock on the head. “I knew you’d be hungry, you big baby. We’re having barbecue. C’mon, we’re meeting Hongbin at the restaurant.”

Taekwoon’s eyebrows shoot up. “Ah, right.”

Wonshik doesn’t know what that look means, but Jaehwan doesn’t seem troubled by it, so he leads the way to the city bus stop and tries not to think about the explanation they’re going to have to give to Jaehwan’s friend once they’re home. Hongbin had suggested that Jaehwan told him in advance, over the phone, because their sleeping arrangement would surely be suspect – one king-sized bed and a double in another room with three occupants – but Jaehwan insisted that he does it face-to-face, when the time comes.

Hongbin walks in right before they’re served their drinks, and smiling his good-boy-dimpled smile at the owner who already adores them, he asks for a bottle of soda before turning to greet Taekwoon. Other than the same guarded look from two years before that Taekwoon keeps giving Hongbin, dinner runs very smoothly, in Wonshik’s opinion. They split the bill between the three of them, like they always do – Taekwoon, being the guest, exempted – and head out into the balmy night air.

“Guess I better head to my motel now,” Taekwoon says, adjusting the straps on his backpack.

“Nonsense,” Jaehwan says, hitting him on the shoulder amiably. “You’re staying at our place.”

Taekwoon looks hesitant, eyes darting from Jaehwan to Hongbin and back. “Are you sure? I don’t want to intrude.”

Jaehwan nods, steering him in the direction of their apartment. “Yeah, of course.”

Wonshik falls into step with Hongbin, and they both pause at Taekwoon’s next question, Wonshik’s breath lodged in his throat. “You sure your boyfriend wouldn’t mind?” Taekwoon whispers.

“Nah, they don’t mind.”

Wonshik’s hand automatically grasps Hongbin’s wrist, his pulse fluttering under Wonshik’s thumb. Jaehwan’s steps falter as soon as he realizes what he just said, and Taekwoon stops to stare down at him, jaw slack but not exactly revolted. He nods slowly but surely, and Jaehwan steals backward glances at Hongbin and Wonshik before continuing on his way, Taekwoon trailing silently by his side.

“I can take the couch,” Taekwoon offers, setting his duffel bag next to it when they get home.

“No,” Wonshik quickly insists, hoping to break the tension. “You can take the spare bedroom. We have plenty of room in the master.”

Jaehwan’s suddenly the awkward one, standing in the middle of the living room, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. Wonshik can tell from the way he’s squirming that he’s nervous about their reaction to his reply from before, and he can’t help but feel it’s adorable.

“Do you want something to drink?” Hongbin asks.

Taekwoon shakes his head, the wary look he’s been giving Hongbin disappearing somewhere along their walk back. “I think I’d like to take a shower and turn in. Early day tomorrow.”

Jaehwan nods, clearing his throat uneasily. “Okay. Guess we’ll see you tomorrow morning, then. Good night.”

“Good night,” Taekwoon smiles warmly, picking up his bag. “Thanks again for letting me stay here.”

Hongbin leads him down the hall to their extra bedroom and shows him the bathroom, telling him to ask for anything he might need, and Wonshik goes to where Jaehwan is, gathering him into a hug. Jaehwan makes a distressed noise and buries his face in Wonshik’s throat, and Wonshik chuckles softly at him, enjoying the feel of solid and warm bulk in his arms.

 

: : :

 

“You called us your boyfriends,” Hongbin murmurs when they’re in bed that night.

“Oh my god,” Jaehwan whines, turning over and burrowing his face into the pillow. “I’m sorry. It just slipped out.”

Hongbin grins at the muffled words, scooting closer so he’s pressed against Jaehwan’s shoulder. “It slipped? It was that easy, huh?”

Jaehwan raises his head, eyes liquid and bright in the semi-dark. “For me, yeah. I know you hate labels and you don’t want us to—”

“Hey,” Hongbin breathes, brushing their noses together. “I love you more than I hate labels. But did you really mean it?”

Jaehwan’s cheeks look ruddy even in the poor lighting, and he’s dodging Hongbin’s eyes coyly. “I do,” he says, soft and shy, and Hongbin has to kiss him just to quell the overwhelming rush of affection that threatens to drown him at the moment.

“Hear that, Wonshik?” Hongbin says when they finally break the kiss, ignoring Jaehwan’s weak punch in the stomach. “We have a boyfriend now.”

Wonshik grumbles from the other side of Jaehwan, the grogginess making his voice even deeper. “Yeah, yeah,” he grunts, moving in to the middle of the bed. “I’ll be both your boyfriend if you just let me sleep already.”

Jaehwan laughs, surprised and happy, and Hongbin kisses him again, swallowing it all. He likes this, sometimes, just kissing until Jaehwan’s lips are terribly swollen and bruised, so he can kiss him again in the morning just to celebrate them being together. Wonshik snuffles and makes a grab for Hongbin’s ass over Jaehwan, and from the way Jaehwan’s wriggling, Hongbin guesses he has his cock snug up against Jaehwan’s ass. Their kissing slows down to lazy making out, and though they’re both hard, they keep at it, until sleep start encroaching in and they give in to slumber.

 

: : :

 

Wonshik believes he’s never felt more awkward in his entire life than he is right this second, and he’s pretty much a generally awkward guy. He’s sitting at the breakfast bar alone with Taekwoon, Jaehwan and Hongbin having left for their shared Physiology class, each sipping at their coffee mugs. Wonshik’s cereal has gone soggy in his bowl, and he frowns at it before realizing that Taekwoon has set down his coffee and looking right at him.

“Is this when you threaten to break my neck if I break Jaehwan’s heart?”

Nobody has ever accused Wonshik of being subtle.

Taekwoon scoffs, flicking his hair out of his eyes, and still manages to look badass. “No,” he says, voice low and steady. “This is when I remind you how lucky you are to have Jaehwan in your life, and if you’re half as smart as he says you are, you should never screw this up.”

Wonshik gapes for a few seconds, surprised and amused, and then he nods wistfully. “Yeah,” he agrees quietly. “Yeah, I know that.”

“And I’m sorry about last night,” Taekwoon adds, this time keeping his gaze lowered. “Knowing how it was between Jaehwan and Hongbin in middle school, I suspected that he was seeing him, but I didn’t know that you – I mean, that he would be—”

“You didn’t think that he was capable of being in love with two guys at the same time?”

Taekwoon’s eyes snap upward, steely and sure. “That’s one thing I’m sure of. I know Jaehwan, and that kid has enough love to drown you both in. It’s whether he’ll receive enough of what he deserves from you two that worries me.”

Wonshik’s reply to that catches in his throat, and just like that Taekwoon’s back to drinking his coffee, serenity wafting off him like they haven’t been discussing such an important matter ten seconds ago. Wonshik has to grudgingly admit that Jaehwan’s best friend is cool, and the only pathetic consolation he can tell himself is that at least he’s taller than the guy.

 

: : :

 

It’s a rare free Sunday afternoon for Hongbin, and he’s offered to cook dinner while Wonshik and Jaehwan play around on the keyboards – _play around_ used loosely, here. Even from the kitchen Hongbin can tell that they’re up to something wonderful, the combination of Wonshik’s music and Jaehwan’s voice creating a sweet, lilting melody that fills Hongbin’s chest with something warm and fuzzy. 

By the time Hongbin calls them out for dinner, they’ve probably worked out two thirds of the song, and most probably has stopped to fool around a little bit, if the hickey decorating Jaehwan’s neck is any indication. Hongbin jams his fingers into the bruise and casts them a mock chastising glare, Jaehwan yelping in pain and Wonshik beaming like an idiot.

“Can’t leave you alone for two seconds,” he grumbles, mostly annoyed that he wasn’t at least invited to watch. “Sit down and eat, you heathens.”

“Yes, sweetheart,” Jaehwan and Wonshik chorus, grinning at him like twin little devils.

Hongbin rolls his eyes and tucks into his food, listening idly as they continue to discuss the new song, something akin to pride blooming somewhere behind his ribcage. Jaehwan and Wonshik have been doing this – collaborate on tracks whenever inspiration strikes – since they got together in high school, and Hongbin’s happy to reap the benefit every time, three of his favorite things rolled into one: good music, Wonshik’s arrangement, and Jaehwan’s voice. They’ve never released any of it, and though Hongbin thinks they should, because they’re _incredible_ , it pleases him that he gets to keep them to himself.

Jaehwan starts humming a few bars of the intro, and Hongbin tries not to let his reaction show, because Jaehwan’s dulcet tone never fail to kickstart that tendril of heat in the pit of Hongbin’s belly, and they all know it. Wonshik pretends to be listening intently to Jaehwan, but Hongbin can see the sharp grin on his mouth, and his leg automatically kicks out under the dining table. It’s Jaehwan who squawks in protest, pouting ridiculously because his plan is thwarted, and Hongbin tries to ignore them for the next fifteen minutes that he takes to finish his meal.

After dinner is a different story. They play the song for him, refrain still shaky and the lyrics all over, but Hongbin can’t help but smile through and through, rewarding them with a kiss each after it’s over. They end up in bed right after, Hongbin on all fours sucking Jaehwan’s dick as Wonshik pounds into him from behind. It’s insane how intense and _good_ it feels every single time they have sex, never a dull moment from the very first time. Hongbin is deliberately being messy, just as Jaehwan likes, spit and precome dribbling from the corner of his mouth as he moves down to mouth at Jaehwan’s balls one after the other. Wonshik’s fingers are curled around the spur of his hipbones, dick slamming into his prostate with every other thrust, and making Hongbin more desperate. 

“Come on, baby,” he coos up at Jaehwan, purposely eyeing him through lowered eyelashes. “Want you to come in my mouth.”

Jaehwan groans, and he’s cupping the back of Hongbin’s head like it’s something precious, head tossed back and mouth slack with pleasure. Hongbin mewls around the head of Jaehwan’s cock at a particularly hard thrust from Wonshik, and Jaehwan shoots, bursts of bittersweet release landing on Hongbin’s tongue. Jaehwan’s hips jerk involuntarily as he floats down from the high, and Hongbin squeezes his ass, drinking up everything he’s given. Wonshik swivels and dips, and the angle is so very perfect that Hongbin’s back arches, Jaehwan’s spent dick slipping out his mouth as he moans brokenly and comes all over the sheets, feeling his body clenching all around Wonshik and milking him for all he has.

There are times when they do the bare minimal, and the orgasms are still spectacular, but there are times like this, when it’s so incredibly explosive that they’re left boneless and fall into a heap and collectively refuse to move for hours – when Hongbin thinks nothing could ever be better. 

If he’s a little bit superstitious he would have been nervous, because it all feels too good to be true, and everything wonderful they’ve ever stacked up is bound to come crashing down at any moment.

 

: : :

 

When Wonshik first realized that he’s in love with Hongbin, it’s also when he realized that he’s falling for Jaehwan. He’d always been a bit envious of the connection they have, and on some level, he thinks he always will be. But that first time the pinprick of jealousy hit the center of his chest, he was walking into their school’s cafeteria and saw the two of them interacting – without him – bodies turned toward each other, kneecaps touching, oblivious to everything and everyone around. Jaehwan was talking animatedly, and Hongbin had the fondest smile on his face listening to him, and then he reached out and stroked the underside of Jaehwan’s jaw, mouth pursed at whatever stupid joke Jaehwan just made. It came over Wonshik, then, this surge of unnamed emotion suffocating him from the inside.

He wasn’t particularly jealous of either one of them, only felt the white hot burn of need to always be with both, to always touch and have both boys in his life. It’s dumb, but his stupid schoolboy brain only registered it later, when he was probably gone from day one, when he first saw the ethereal boy walking past him as he was fucking _emoting_ in the schoolyard. 

That jealousy, or possessive streak or whatever, sort of took the backseat when Hongbin and Jaehwan decided to start putting on little _shows_ for him whenever they feel extra wild. Which is exactly what they’re doing now: Hongbin sprawled on the couch holding Jaehwan’s thighs open as he fucks into him, presenting him like a prized sex toy. Wonshik can barely breathe, hard as a diamond just from watching Jaehwan’s plump ass bouncing off Hongbin’s groin, listening to their litany of moans and whimpers. Hongbin reaches around and starts jacking Jaehwan off, drooling tip obscenely peeking out of Hongbin’s fist, making Wonshik’s mouth water. He has his own dick out now, loosely pumping, when Jaehwan takes notice and smirks at him.

His voice pitched low, Jaehwan leans forward braced on Hongbin’s knees and purrs at him. “C’mere, big boy, it’s your turn.”

Wonshik doesn’t have to be told twice. He’s spread on the couch right by Hongbin in no time at all, taking the opportunity to steal a kiss, sucking on Hongbin’s tactile tongue before he’s rewarded with a lapful of giggling Jaehwan. Jaehwan gasps and shudders when Wonshik drives into him in a single push, blunt fingernails digging into Wonshik’s bare chest. Wonshik yanks him down by the back of his neck, demanding kisses hungrily, his free hand squeezing one perfect butt cheek. He’s faintly aware of Hongbin prepping him, pausing once in a while to messily tongue at the point where he and Jaehwan are connected, slobbering all over Wonshik’s balls. As soon as Hongbin deems Wonshik ready enough, he’s crowding against them, legs bracketing Jaehwan’s thighs and cock thrusting slowly but surely into Wonshik. Hongbin hooks his chin over Jaehwan’s shoulder and they’re licking at each other’s mouths, two pairs of impish eyes never leaving Wonshik’s. Hongbin’s deep, lazy thrusts are a contrast to Wonshik’s erratic ones, but the joint sensation of Jaehwan’s muscles clenching around him and Hongbin’s dick brushing against his prostate edges him to the brink in no time. His vision whites out as the orgasm rips through him, feeling more than seeing Jaehwan going pliant above him, and he can’t stop shaking for a long minute after.

Hongbin bites down on Jaehwan’s graceful neck and he comes with a breathless cry, messy spurts all across Wonshik’s chest. Hongbin’s last, and if Wonshik isn’t so useless from coming his brains out, he would be pissed that Hongbin’s decided to fuck him bare, the tacky feeling of his come making Wonshik squirm. Jaehwan has an equally mild disgust on his face when he slips off Wonshik too, though, so Wonshik guesses they’re all even. The blinding high from his climax wearing off, Wonshik quickly notices the dead weight of two heavy guys on top of him, and tries futilely to buck them off. Hongbin and Jaehwan laugh at his poor attempt, and Wonshik shoves them away unceremoniously, trying to hide the fact that he’s ecstatic just listening to their chorus of laughter.

 

: : :

 

Hongbin likes to think that he’s a pleasant person. He has his days, sure, when pasting on a smile and trying to be civil gets to be too much. He’s been stretched thin this past week, a barrage of pop quizzes and lab work and not enough time with Wonshik and Jaehwan leaving him drained and cranky. He’s looking forward to the weekend, where he can hopefully wrangle a certain pair of hotties into spending two days lazily making out and eating junk food or watching movies.

But then the phone call comes.

“You should come home this weekend,” his father says gruffly from the other line, barely any pleasantries as a starter.

Hongbin sighs, peering up into the sky. It looks like it’s going to rain, and he silently wonders if Wonshik had remembered to shut their bedroom windows this morning. “I can’t, Father. I already have plans.”

He tries not to make it a habit to lie to his father, but sometimes lies are required in order for him to keep his sanity. His father hums absently at his answer. “How are your studies going?”

“Fine. I’m still trying to get the hang of all these classes and labs, but—”

“Still?” his father’s sharp tone halts his steps, and somebody bumps into him in their hurry. “I hope you’re not letting yourself be distracted by those – _friends_ of yours, Hongbin.”

Hongbin takes a calming breath and counts to ten in his head. He hasn’t actually came out to his family, but a man as intelligent as his father, no matter how busy and inattentive, could have easily figured out what Jaehwan and Wonshik mean to him. “No, Father. I have been busy studying and having group discussions. It’s just that the schedule is a lot more hectic than last year, that’s all.”

“Good,” comes the curt reply. Hongbin can picture him nodding tersely and checking his watch out of habit. “Well, I’ve got to go,” he says, almost like he’s been waiting to end the call. “Come home as soon as you’re free. Your mother misses you terribly.”

“I will. Please send my love to her.”

Hongbin’s father hums, and hangs up. The subway station is a ten minutes’ walk away, but Hongbin changes direction and decides to hail a cab instead. He suddenly can’t wait to get back to the apartment, and nap for a thousand years if it’s possible. His phone vibrates in his jeans pocket while he’s on the cab, and he checks it, groaning out loud at the reminder.

Jaehwan tackles him at the door, almost causing him to fall on his ass. Usually he’d welcome the solid, warm weight, but he’s at the last bit of patience already and the reminder that he has to study for his Pharmacology quiz tomorrow isn’t at all helping. 

“Get off me,” he snaps, earning a confused and mildly hurt look from Jaehwan.

Jaehwan doesn’t step away, reaching out to brush the unruly bangs off Hongbin’s forehead instead. “What’s wrong? Are you feeling okay?”

Hongbin grits his teeth. He’s aware that lashing out at Jaehwan isn’t fair, and he’s trying hard not to let the stress of everything gets to him. “I just – I’m tired, okay. Leave me alone, will you?”

“That’s uncalled for, Lee Hongbin,” Wonshik’s deep voice sounds sterner than Hongbin has ever heard before. He’s standing at the entrance of the kitchen, broad shoulders taut and daunting.

Hongbin looks away, avoiding Wonshik’s livid stare and Jaehwan’s wounded eyes, rubbing at the back of his neck. “I have a quiz to study for. I’ll be in the spare bedroom.”

“Do you want anything to eat?” Jaehwan asks, clearly not giving up.

Hongbin shakes his head, heading towards the bedrooms. “I already ate,” he lies, almost surprising himself. The truth is, he’s just not really hungry, but saying that will just make them worried and fuss over him more. He knows it’s a good thing that he has people who care so much about him, but somehow it’s overwhelming at the moment.

Neither Wonshik nor Jaehwan comes to seek him out, and Hongbin goes through his notes and textbooks with a suppressed pang of hunger for hours. When the digital numbers on his phone tells him that it’s nearly one in the morning, he gives in to his stomach and pads slowly to the kitchen. There’s a container of fried rice on the counter with a sticky note on top.

_Eat up. What did I tell you about lying? You suck at it. – Wonshik_

His stomach roils, and Hongbin doesn’t think it’s because of the hunger anymore. 

 

: : :

 

Wonshik can barely tell what’s going on in the movie they’re watching, his vision blurred and his attention mostly on the feel of Jaehwan’s feet in his lap. His fingers are curled around one bony ankle, and Jaehwan digs his heel into Wonshik’s semi-hard dick casually, stretching as he does so. Wonshik slaps his thigh and he pouts, toes wriggling in protest.

“What’s for dinner?” Wonshik asks, in an attempt to restore decency in their Friday night activity.

Jaehwan shrugs at the corner of his eyes. “It’s your turn to cook.”

Wonshik rolls his head against the back of the couch, newly cut hair swinging in front of his eyes. Jaehwan’s enthusiastic response to the inky black color had meant an equally enthusiastic blowjob early this afternoon. And judging from the way he’s playing footsie with Wonshik’s balls, it’s possible that it will take much more than that to get it out of his system. Wonshik’s all for that, but he can’t fathom taking the time to cook for two when they can just buy some food, save some time, and have the rest of the night free to do unseemly things to each other. Plus he’s a terrible cook.

“It’s Friday. Let’s just eat out,” he wheedles, tugging at the hem of Jaehwan’s shirt. “Unless you want kimchi fried rice again.”

Jaehwan grimaces and Wonshik bats his feet away as retaliation. They get ready in a few minutes and leave a note for Hongbin, just in case his group discussion ends earlier than expected. He’s already said that he’ll be out most of the night, declining their request to have dinner together.

“That Chinese restaurant near the cinema okay?” Wonshik asks, nudging Jaehwan with his elbow.

Jaehwan hums, leaning closer into Wonshik’s side to let a couple of school kids walk past. “Hongbin will be pissed if he knows we go there without him.”

“We can just bring something back for him later,” Wonshik shrugs. He’s sneakily trying to link their hands while Jaehwan’s slightly distracted, but nothing escapes Jaehwan, apparently. 

Their pinky fingers brush, and Jaehwan’s twitches against his before Wonshik slots all their fingers together. They’re still holding hands when they walk into the restaurant, and they’re about to head for a corner booth when a familiar laugh catches their attention.

Hongbin’s sitting at the large table closest to the entrance, talking and laughing openly with his classmates. He’s flanked by two girls, and they’re sitting so tightly together that their arms are pressed against each other. Wonshik can feel Jaehwan stiffening next to him, the grip of his fingers growing stronger. Something inside of Wonshik is trying to convince him that it’s all innocent, but the truth is Hongbin had opted out of their dinner plan to spend time with his friends instead.

“Hey,” a loud feminine voice pipes up. The girl on Hongbin’s right, Jiyeon, is waving at them. “Look who it is! Come join us!”

Wonshik freezes, and Jaehwan isn’t moving either. Hongbin looks up and something unreadable flits across his features. Wonshik can’t help but wonder if it’s guilt, a large part of him hoping that it is. Jiyeon is still waving them over, a huge smile on her pretty face. She’s about the only classmate of Hongbin’s that is a mutual friend, and Wonshik isn’t sure if he wants to appear rude by ignoring her.

“Let’s go,” Jaehwan murmurs to him, nudging him along.

They’re no longer holding hands, Wonshik realizes glumly, and when they take their seats at the already cramped table, his only consolation is that there’s barely any space between them. Hongbin’s face breaks into his signature dimpled smile, although it doesn’t exactly reach his eyes. Wonshik doubts anyone but him and Jaehwan notices that. 

“Guys,” Hongbin says, addressing the whole party. “This is Wonshik and Jaehwan, my roommates.”

Jaehwan’s shoulder goes rigid against Wonshik’s, and they’re greeted haphazardly by the group, Wonshik feeling wound tight from having to put on a wooden smile. Hongbin doesn’t say much after that beyond inviting them to eat, and not so subtly explaining that they’re just taking a short break from studying. Jaehwan’s lack of response triggers something inside Wonshik, and he finds himself not participating in the conversations, either, the both of them huddled close and talking in hushed tones. 

Halfway through dinner, Jiyeon spots Wonshik rubbing the bit of sauce Jaehwan’s smeared across his chin and lets out a tiny delighted noise. “You guys are so adorable,” she squeals, fists clenched with excitement. “Are you two – you know, together?”

Hongbin’s gaze snaps towards them, eyes blown wide with panic and trepidation. The question wasn’t directed at him, but Wonshik and Jaehwan seem to have decided to wait for _his_ reply. When it doesn’t come, the solid center in Wonshik seems to crack, chest feeling too small for his heart. Jaehwan has his head lowered, and Wonshik doesn’t think twice about slipping his hand into Jaehwan’s, raising it over the table for everyone to see. 

“We are, actually,” Wonshik admits, hearing the sharp intake of Jaehwan’s breath, feeling Jaehwan grabbing his knee and swaying into his side, dazed and trusting. 

There’s a cacophony of girlish cooing, manly whooping, even shocked and appalled gasps all around them, but Wonshik’s only zeroed in on the dejected frown on Hongbin’s face. It’s soon replaced by something akin to apathy, once again putting on the dimpled dream boy act for the girl next to him as she demurely touches his forearm and leans into his personal space. Wonshik and Jaehwan finish their food wordlessly, and politely excuse themselves as the table gets rowdier. 

“See you later, Hongbin,” Wonshik mumbles, mostly trying to drag Hongbin’s attention away from the girl-shaped limpet clinging to his side.

Hongbin looks their way and nods, the tiny furrow between his eyebrows belying the friendly smile on his lips. “Yeah, see you. Don’t wait up, okay?”

Jaehwan waves as they walk away, his free hand clutching the sleeve of Wonshik’s hoodie. As soon as they’re out on the street, Wonshik winds an arm around Jaehwan’s shoulders, pulling him close. “Are you okay?”

It takes Jaehwan a couple of breaths to answer. “I’m fine. Let’s go home, yeah?”

Wonshik mostly feels disorientated, unsure of what just happened between them. He can’t seem to connect the affectionate, big-hearted boy with a lollipop addiction he used to know to the person they just saw in that restaurant. It may be true that people change, but Wonshik has been in Hongbin’s orbit for so long that it’s deeply unsettling to get thrown off, to feel so disconnected from the person who’s been a part of him for years.

Jaehwan excuses himself to go to bed, and he smiles faintly when Wonshik presses a kiss to his temple. Wonshik retreats into the other bedroom, determined to make some headway with his Acoustics assignment, but ends up staring at his computer screen for hours. He vaguely recalls stumbling into bed around two in the morning, and Jaehwan’s still alone, curled up in a fetal position. Wonshik bundles him up in his arms and enjoys the closeness and the sleepy noises Jaehwan makes, letting himself forget all the hurt for the moment.

 

: : :

 

Hongbin’s world starts crumbling down on a Monday.

When Hongbin hands over his phone for Jiyeon to borrow, he realizes two things: eleven missed calls went unnoticed due to putting it on mute, and he is extremely late for dinner. On top of that, his low battery warning is blinking ominously, the red light mocking his thoughtlessness. He scrambles to shove his things into his backpack, apologizing to Jiyeon for abandoning her, and almost trips on his own foot as he rushes out from the library into the drizzling rain. He puts up his hoodie and trudges towards the bus stop, pressing speed dial number two on his phone only to curse colorfully as it beeps and dies on him.

He tries to comfort himself while waiting for the bus, but the fact is that things have not been the same between them since the night at the restaurant almost a week ago. There hasn’t been any outright animosity, but Jaehwan has been quieter and Wonshik has been sleeping in the spare bedroom most of the time. Hongbin wants to chalk it off as them being stressed and busy with school, but he knows better. A tiny, selfish part of him wonders if it’s only him that they’re being distant to, if it’s still playful flirting and warm camaraderie when they’re alone. There’s no one else to blame, however, but himself, and Hongbin’s aware of that. 

If only he’s better at everything.

The lights in the whole apartment are dimmed when Hongbin walks in. Jaehwan is on the couch and Wonshik is perched on the arm, his hand on the crown of Jaehwan’s head, fingers scratching at his scalp. It’s a thing he does whenever Jaehwan is upset, and the creases in Jaehwan’s brow are definite telltale signs of him being so. They don’t acknowledge him like they always do, shoulders taut and jaws clenched when Hongbin nears them. The air almost crackles with the tension, and Hongbin carefully ducks to get in their line of vision.

“Hey, sorry I’m late. I was—”

“Save it, Hongbin,” Wonshik interrupts, blunt and cold. 

They still refuse to look at him. Cold panic claws at Hongbin’s insides, his throat drying up. “Listen, it’s still early. We can go out and—”

Wonshik finally looks up, scowling. “It’s after midnight.”

“I’m sure we can find someplace—”

Jaehwan loudly scoffs, cutting him off, shaking his head morosely. Wonshik’s eyes flash in the low light, his mouth almost snarling. “It was Jaehwan’s birthday, you asshole. You missed it.”

A sudden spike of remorse grips at Hongbin’s core, the shame making him crumple to his knees, flailing for Jaehwan’s hands, but his touch is met with cold, Jaehwan’s fingers lax and unresponsive. “I’m sorry, I lost track of time. I’m sorry, please forgive me.”

“It’s fine,” Jaehwan mumbles, the corner of his mouth lifting up in a ghost of a smile. The sad set of his eyebrows isn’t fooling anyone, and his voice trembles as he continues not to look at Hongbin. “It’s not a big deal. It’s okay.”

“Jaehwan,” Wonshik calls, soft and tender. To Hongbin he grits out, “How many times did I tell you that tonight’s important, Hongbin? I shouldn’t even have to say that!”

The pit of Hongbin’s belly churns, turning the regret into something resembling anger. “I was busy,” he snaps. “It’s not like I forgot on purpose. Do you have any idea how stressful and exhausting it is to juggle classes and labs and still have enough energy to—”

“What?” Wonshik challenges, standing now, using his full height to loom over Hongbin. “To entertain your two boyfriends at home? Oh, wait. You don’t have those.”

Hongbin reels, breath coming out short and furious. “This is about that night at the restaurant, isn’t it? I told you guys, we were just taking a break from studying. I wasn’t lying to you. I was just – caught off guard. I didn’t expect for you to show up.”

“Because you were supposed to be too busy studying to have dinner with us.”

“I’m telling the truth,” Hongbin seethes, chest and throat tight. 

 

Jaehwan drops his head between his shoulders, elbows balanced on his knees. Wonshik doesn’t stop coming for Hongbin, leaning into his space. “Keep telling yourself that.”

Hongbin exhales harshly. “Did you expect me to come out right then, in front of my classmates, that I’m not only gay, but in a threesome relationship?” 

“No, but you could’ve paid more attention to us, instead of flirting with that girl the whole time.”

“What girl?” Hongbin frowns. “Jiyeon?”

“The girl rubbing herself all over you like you’re some kind of a territorial spot she can put her scent on,” Wonshik replies, cocking an eyebrow. “If you want an uncomplicated life, Hongbin, maybe you should leave and start dating that girl instead.”

Hongbin feels like he’s been sucker punched in the stomach, and even knowing he’ll regret his words later, they spill out of him like venom anyway. “Maybe I should. You two seem to have it all together, anyway. You’re fine just fucking each other all the time, aren’t you?”

Wonshik’s face contorts in fury, deep voice rising in volume. “So now you think we only need you for sex? What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“Nothing is wrong with me!” Hongbin yells, hearing the blood rushing in his ears, heartbeat speeding uncontrollably. “I’m trying to make things work! I’m studying and trying to be with you guys and doing it all for my future.”

“We’re all building our future here, Bin.”

Hongbin sneers before he can help himself. “Says the guy who gave up MIT to be here.”

Wonshik’s shoulders slump, and Hongbin can almost see the disappointment behind all the pent up rage inside his eyes. “You think I gave up MIT for you guys?” Wonshik laughs humorlessly, shaking his head. “I did it for me. I can do my stuff anywhere in the world, but no matter how good I get, how is it more important than having you two with me? That’s the future I’m building up. I can graduate from MIT or KAIST or fucking drop out of school, but the one future I’m counting on has you guys in it.”

Hongbin looks away, sighing harshly. “You guys are important to me. I just have so much on my plate right now, and my dad has been pressuring me so much. I’m – not trying to push you away.”

“You need to stop deluding yourself. You’ve never done things because your father wanted you to. You want this, medical school and all of the shit that comes with it. You want it more than you want to be with us,” Wonshik says calmly, although the defiance is clear in his tone.

Hongbin’s head throbs, and his throat constricts, but he refuses to break. “Don’t you dare tell me what I want or don’t want. I’m telling you that I’m trying. I’m _trying_ , okay? Don’t ever think that you guys aren’t important to me!” 

“Then start acting like we are!” Wonshik cries. “We don’t ask for a lot. Keep your promises, and come back to us, that’s it. And stop lying, for fuck’s sake.”

“I wasn’t lying!” roars Hongbin, chest heaving with exertion. It feels too small to contain his emotions, and Hongbin’s letting them all come pouring out. “And I wasn’t cheating on you guys. I haven’t been around enough, I know that, but there’s nothing I can do about that.”

Wonshik looks like he’s about to argue some more, but Jaehwan stands up at that moment, anguished eyes enough to hush them both.

“That’s enough,” Jaehwan breathes, his steady voice cutting through the tensed silence. “I don’t need this today. I only wanted to spend time with the people I love.”

“Jaehwan,” Wonshik starts, reaching out to touch him.

Jaehwan shakes his head, and steps back, letting out a shuddering breath. “Hongbin, I don’t need you labeling us. I just need you to know it in your heart who we are to you. And I know you’re trying, but if you’re thinking of us as a chore instead of the reason you want to come home, then maybe you should leave.”

Hongbin flinches, blinking back unshed tears that come unbidden. Wonshik heaves a sigh, running his hand through his hair, looking defeated and drained. Hongbin feels like his whole world is shaken, a chasm cracking right through the center and he’s helpless in the face of it.

“I’m done,” Jaehwan says, and fear washes over Hongbin as he turns around to walk away. “I’m sorry,” he mumbles before heading for the spare bedroom.

The lingering quiet is deafening, and as Wonshik walks out of the living room, Hongbin falls to the floor. The agony of letting the people he loves and his best friends slip through his fingers rip through him as he bends forward and allows the tears to fall.

 

: : :

 

Hakyeon’s fortnightly email drops into Wonshik’s inbox five days after the break up. Wonshik reads it mechanically, words like _lectures_ and _part time job_ and _new friend_ jumping out at him. When he sits down to write a reply, the only line that comes to him is _I think Hongbin is out of the picture_.

His phone chirps five minutes after that.

“Hakyeon?” he greets, confusion laced with worry. “Why are you calling? What time is it over there?”

“Who cares,” Hakyeon barrages through. “Are you okay?”

Wonshik holds his breath for a couple of seconds and then releases it shakily. “Fine, I guess. Jaehwan’s doing better. He couldn’t even put in his contacts yesterday, he was crying too much.”

Hakyeon gasps a little, the concern evident in his tone even through the tinny quality. “What happened? You guys were so perfect for each other.”

Wonshik recoils at the past tense, swallowing thickly to get over it. “Maybe that wasn’t enough.”

Hakyeon makes a sympathetic sound, pausing for a second. “Holding on to something great is never easy, Wonshik. Whatever happens, together or apart, I’m confident all three of you will get through this.”

Most people don’t see this part of Hakyeon, this ability of him to soothe a frazzled mind, to mend broken hearts, to revive a dying dream, simply by saying a few words.

Without even knowing it, Wonshik cracks a tiny waned smile. “You always know what to say, don’t you?”

“Small feat for the upcoming best attorney the whole world has ever seen,” Hakyeon quips, clearing his throat purposely. He sobers up instantly after that. “I’m serious, though, Wonshik-ah. You’ll get through this. All of you.”

“Thanks, Hakyeon,” Wonshik says, feeling some of the tension he’s been holding in seeping out at the encouragement.

Hakyeon hums, and Wonshik thinks he’s about to fall asleep on the other end of the line. Instead, he rambles on, “Now let’s talk about me! I met this incredibly cute girl in class the other day.”

Wonshik laughs, and spends the next forty minutes just letting Hakyeon tell him every single detail of his life abroad, temporarily not thinking about broken hearts and severed friendships. It’s late when Wonshik finishes his work, and he checks his phone out of habit only to find a text from his mom reminding him to take care of his health. Wonshik wonders if Jaehwan has spoken to her, but he remembers that Jaehwan barely talks to anyone lately. He gathers his things, says goodbye to his lab partner, and rushes home to where his mind constantly is.

Jaehwan’s still sitting on the edge of their bed, the same place where Wonshik left him this morning, but he has his guitar in his hands. It’s rare seeing Jaehwan play, even rarer for him to play an original, and Wonshik dazedly approaches him, drawn in by the captivating melody. It’s rougher than Jaehwan’s usual style, the angry notes reverberating through the room. He doesn’t acknowledge Wonshik’s presence, the first line coming out husky and raw.

_Why you keep me around, when you can have anyone in this town? Am I the best you hope for, or just the best that you found –_

Jaehwan’s voice cracks, and a sob escapes him as he wordlessly falls to the side, face buried in the crook of Wonshik’s neck. Wonshik shushes him, reaches out to rub his arm and kisses his forehead, even as his own tears threaten to fall. Jaehwan cries quietly, trembling in Wonshik’s embrace, his guitar lying forgotten next to him.

“I miss him,” Jaehwan confesses brokenly, and Wonshik chokes on his own grief. “I miss him so much.”

Warring inside Wonshik is the fear that they’ve ruined something good, and things will never be the same again, and the guilt of letting the best thing that’s ever happen in his life go, abandoning the person he genuinely cares for over something not nearly as significant. He can’t help but think that Hongbin’s alone in all this, while Jaehwan and him still have each other, no matter how broken apart they are.

“I miss him, too.”

Jaehwan sniffs, and looks up at Wonshik with wet eyes. “What if he thinks we hate him?”

Wonshik inhales shakily, dread washing over him in waves. He tightens his hold on Jaehwan, trying hard not to fall to pieces. “We’ll fix this. I don’t know how, but we’ll fix it, okay?”

Jaehwan nods, and Wonshik nuzzles at his hair, not letting go until he feels Jaehwan relax into it, breaths evening out. Wonshik eases him gently onto the bed, covering him with the blanket before sneaking out with his phone, pressing down on the speed dial.

 

: : :

 

Hongbin’s vision is blurry and the words in the textbook are swimming in front of him, and he shakes his head to clear it. The guy sitting beside him yawns, and Hongbin checks his phone to see that it’s half past one, and his eyes throb at the reminder that he has been awake for close to thirty hours. The phone in his hand vibrates, and Hongbin’s out of his seat as soon as he sees the caller picture flashing, rushing out of the room before the call ends.

“Hello,” he answers breathlessly, shivering a little at the sudden cold from being outside. “Sorry, I was in the library.”

Wonshik’s reply comes a bit late, his voice soft. “Hi. I hope I wasn’t interrupting.”

“No, no,” Hongbin’s quick to say, clutching the phone to his ear tightly. “I was just getting some reading done before my practical on Monday.”

Wonshik sighs, his usually steady voice wavering. “How are you? How – are you doing fine?”

“Yes,” Hongbin assures him. “Yeah, I’m okay. I’ve been crashing at Chansik’s dorm.”

“I’m sorry, Hongbin, for saying all those things to you. We were both hurting, Jaehwan and I, but we didn’t stop to think about how you—” Wonshik pauses, swallowing audibly. “We should’ve considered your situation more.”

Hongbin’s throat closes up, and he has to lean against the building before he can speak again. “I’m not blaming you guys. I would never.”

“Jaehwan is – he’s miserable, Bin. It’s painful to see him like this. He misses you so bad,” Wonshik mutters. “I do, too.”

“I miss you guys too,” Hongbin says, chest constricting at the thought of Jaehwan in pain, of Wonshik trying to keep it together through the aftermath. “But Jaehwan was right. Until I sort my feelings out, I can’t – I need to take a step back. I think I’m—”

Wonshik doesn’t let him finish, words rushing out all jagged and desperate. “We’re not – I’m not trying to change you. You’re it, for us, Hongbin. You’re it.”

Hongbin takes a shaky breath, and opens his mouth to answer only to be interrupted by a continuous beeping in his ear. He looks at the screen of his phone and frowns. “Wonshik, I’m sorry,” he says, squeezing the bridge of his nose wearily. “My mom is on the other line. I’ll call you back later, okay?”

There’s a beat before Wonshik makes a noise of assent. “Yeah, okay.”

“I’ll talk to you soon,” Hongbin promises. He switches lines right away at the sound of the dial tone, and the first thing he hears is his mom crying. 

Hongbin’s whole world crashes and burns on a Saturday.

 

: : :

 

Wonshik holds the hot cups of coffee close to his chest, walking blearily up the stairs to the apartment and trying to key in the security code without dropping the bag of waffles in his hand. The door clicks open and the sight that welcomes him makes him freeze in the doorway. He’s been staying up all night waiting for Hongbin’s call, feeling more dejected as the hours ticked by, ready to admit that what he’d done is ultimately unforgivable. 

The last thing he expects to see is Hongbin sitting on the couch, sobbing into his hands, Jaehwan holding his shaking shoulders, lips pressed to the side of his head.

“What’s going on?” Wonshik asks, dropping their breakfast on the coffee table.

Jaehwan looks at him and it’s clear that he’s been crying, too, eyes red-rimmed and brimming with tears. All sorts of awful scenarios keep playing in Wonshik’s head as he stumbles closer, clasping the hand Jaehwan’s laid on Hongbin’s knee. Hongbin lifts his head and his face is wet, cheeks red and stained, lips bitten bloody. Wonshik’s heart lurches. 

“My grandma’s gone.”

Wonshik’s breathing stutters, his hand reaching out automatically to cup the side of Hongbin’s face. Hongbin turns into it, hiccupping through his tears. “Oh, god,” Wonshik gasps, stroking his hair carefully. “Hongbin, I’m so sorry.”

Jaehwan’s pressed up against Hongbin’s side, crying with him, mouth breathing soft words of condolences into his ear. Hongbin’s grandmother had been a big part of their lives, and Wonshik’s devastated at the loss. He can’t even begin to imagine how shattering it is for Hongbin.

“I’m sorry,” Hongbin sobs, rubbing futilely at his eyes. “I know I’m not supposed to be here. I just – you guys are the only people I can talk to right now.”

“God, no,” Jaehwan says, palming Hongbin’s cheek so he’ll face him. “You can always come back to us, you hear me? You have to – you can come back, okay?”

Hongbin nods at Jaehwan’s plea, stroking Jaehwan’s face in return. He gets up from the couch, wiping his tears on the sleeve of his shirt. “I have to go home,” he chokes. “I have to see her.”

“We’ll come with you,” Wonshik says, reaching for his hand.

Hongbin lets him hold it, but he shakes his head. “No, you have mid-terms coming. I have to do this alone. I’ll be back.”

“Hongbin, please,” Jaehwan begs, linking their fingers together. “Come home.”

Hongbin gives them a small, broken smile, and then he’s gone. Wonshik wraps his arms around Jaehwan, and huddled together they wait for Hongbin to return.

 

: : :

 

There has been countless times when Hongbin comes home to Wonshik and Jaehwan in bed, hands and mouths on each other, too frisky to wait for him to join them. They always make a pretty picture together, and sometimes Hongbin will just stand and stare, happy in the knowledge that he’s the only one allowed to watch something so intimate. 

Still, his favorite times are when he walks into their bedroom to find them in bed, sleeping peacefully. It’s something he can never trade off, so precious that every single time he sees it his heart swells and swells until all he feels is adoration. That’s how Hongbin discovers them when he finally comes back, after five long days holed up in his grandmother’s house, refusing to go when his parents leave. They’re lying on their sides, back to front, Wonshik has one arm slung over the rise of Jaehwan’s hip and Jaehwan’s nose is buried in the crook of his own arm. It’s early, still, and the soft glow of dawn light casts a golden tint to their skin – the muscle definition in Wonshik’s shoulder and the sculpted angle of Jaehwan’s cheekbone. Hongbin pauses at the foot of the bed, staring for long seconds, before settling down on the edge. His hand reaches for the guitar by his knee, fingers running over the fretboard like he can feel Jaehwan’s previous touch on it.

He’s strumming before he can stop himself, quiet and unhurried, softly singing the words. 

_The moonlight held you aloft, a picture of peace. The only sound was the soft breeze from the east. My heart beat down in my chest to the rhythm of your gentle breath. And the whole world calmed down for this moment of rest._

There’s a rustling behind him, the noiseless sound of sheets being rearranged, and then Jaehwan’s sleepy whimpers that make Hongbin smile. He doesn’t stop singing.

_Now I’m standing above you, trying so hard not to tell you I love you. And all that I want in this world is you. If you’d only wake up, you’d know it was true._

The bed dips ever so slightly under their combined weight as Hongbin feels them knee their way to him, and his last note gets lost in the huge grin that takes him over as two sets of arms snake around his waist. Wonshik’s hot breath tickles his ear and Jaehwan’s mouth lands on the underside of his jaw, and Hongbin sets the guitar down to touch their faces, helpless in the wake of his affection to them.

If he knows his boys, he knows they’re about to tackle him down to the bed and pepper stale-breathed kisses all over him any minute now.

But at that moment he’s perfectly content basking in their reverence, words of love and gratitude pressed into his skin, staying right where he wants to be.

 

([wonshik](https://soundcloud.com/sue-devon/kasih-tercipta)) ♫ ([jaehwan](https://soundcloud.com/tyler-hilton/kicking-my-heels)) ♫ ([hongbin](https://soundcloud.com/sue-devon/13-last-night))


End file.
